I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
