you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
