She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
