Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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