pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
