she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize