she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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