Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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