Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
