Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
