I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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