So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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