My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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