So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
