If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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