i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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