Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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