Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
