i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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