Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
