I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
