In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
