I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
