I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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