i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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