I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She has the best kind of daddy issues
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
