the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
