How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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