Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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