her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
