can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Enjoy the penises
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
