Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
