Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
