I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
