he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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