I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
