He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
