sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
