God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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