Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was like eating out sand paper
bring money and cleavage
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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