The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
