I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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