i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Randomize
