So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
