They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
