I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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