At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
