Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
