So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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