And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
