i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
