Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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