And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
