She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
