i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
