Your face is a jimmy john
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
