its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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