apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
