Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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