he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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