Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
