just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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