I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
