During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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