i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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